In last week’s blog, we talked about what to do when a behavior occurs at church. If you missed it, you can check it out here.

Today, we are going to walk through some tips for getting through and past the behavior. I will be the first to admit that I am not an expert on behavior, so I am thankful that most of this information came from a course on de-escalation from The Autism Helper. I am so grateful for experts who share their knowledge for our benefit!

This one is a little bit longer than some of our other emails, but it is full of some good stuff!

WHAT IS DE-ESCALATION?

The process of de-escalation happens once the behavior starts. These tips are meant to help you get through to the end of the behavior and work on what comes next. De-escalation is crucial for ensuring the safety of your students, as well as maintaining a positive relationship with them.

WHAT DOES DE-ESCALATION LOOK LIKE?

Sometimes, when a behavior is happening, we might try to take control of the situation by telling the student to stop, explaining the rules of the classroom, etc. But when a student in the middle of a big behavior, they are not mentally present to learn. A behavior is not a teaching moment. We have to get through the de-escalation process before we can teach.

Start by regulating yourself. A dysregulated adult cannot help a dysregulated student. Before you do anything, take one deep breath. That’s probably all you have time for. Take one deep breath and then move through these steps:

1. Give the student some space

• Take a step back

• Move some of the other students out of the room/area

• Move the student to a calm-down area or sensory room if possible

2. Reduce noise and overwhelm

• I know this can be very difficult for a lot of us in a teaching space, but (and I say this with love) stop talking

• Use a quiet voice when you do need to talk

• Use visual supports instead of talking, when you can

• Do not make demands or ask questions

• Communicate to the student that you are here for them while setting and maintaining boundaries.

Once the student has had some time and is visibly calmer and/or open to communicating

3. Offer coping strategies

• Provide visuals

• Provide choices

• Allow for processing time

• Avoid over-reminding

• Co-regulate by asking them to join you in a coping strategy or exercise (something simple, like “Come join me while I get a drink of water.”)

Once the student engages in a coping strategy

4. Divert and Distract

This does not require anything of the student, it’s just something neutral to refocus their attention.

• “Hey, look at that bird over there”

• Tell a story about your day, as simple and mundane as you’d like to be

• Describe a picture on the wall and what you like about it

5. Repair the Relationship

Reaffirm support in your connection with the student

SAY:

You are not mad at them

You care about them

You are here to support them

THEN you can talk about rules and boundaries

• Explain why the behavior was unsafe

• Use logical consequences

  • You break it, you fix it

    • If a table was knocked over during the behavior, have the student put the table and items with it back where they belong.

  • Loss of a privilege

    • If an iPad was damaged during the behavior, the student won’t be able to have iPad time today.

  • Positive Time Out or Break

    • If the student is still feeling overwhelmed during the next activity, allow them to take a time out or a break (not as a punishment, just as a way of regulating themselves).

6. Create a plan for the future

• Reflect with the student as appropriate.

  • What could we do next time? (coping strategy)

  • What are we not going to do next time? (behavior)

• Reflect with volunteers/staff

  • How can we avoid this in the future?

    • This is where the ABCs of Behavior come in handy!

We want church to be a safe, joyful place for everyone who attends. But we also need to be realistic that behaviors can and do happen, even at church. Moving through de-escalation and reminding the student that he/she is safe and cared for will help reinforce that your church and your ministry are a positive place to be.

As always, we at Awe & Wonder want to give you the best tools we can for helping in these moments of big behaviors. We have some products in our online shop that we hope will be useful should behaviors arise. The Calm Kit, Pause Buttons, and Visual Lanyard Cards are a great start!

Almost everyone in disability ministry, at some point, has had the thought, “What about behavior? How do we keep everyone in our ministry safe?” This is a good and appropriate question, although sometimes an awkward one to approach. After all, nobody likes thinking about what to do when things don’t go according to plan.

This blog post is not meant to be an exhaustive look at behavior, but I do hope it will give you a few tools to make your ministry as safe and prepared as possible.

What is behavior?

The very first thing we all need to know is that behavior is communication. Even if no words are spoken, every behavior is communicating a message. You might just have to work a little harder to figure out what that message is.

Four Functions of Behavior

1. Escaping or avoiding a situation

2. Access to attention

3. Access to tangible

4. Fulfilling a sensory need

These behavioral functions are not always obvious right off the bat. Because of this, there is a little equation those in the special education space like to use. And it’s as easy as ABC!

Today, I am going to walk you through this equation with an example and some strategies for the future.

Example Scenario:

Trisha has been attending your church for the last several weeks. She enjoys worship, Bible story time, and crafts. She especially enjoys dancing in the back of the worship center. Today, there is a new volunteer filling in for someone at the last minute, and she doesn’t know that Trisha is allowed to dance in the back of the worship center. She tells Trisha that she needs to sit in a seat or stand with the rest of the congregation. Trisha tries to stand with her peers, but then the band starts playing His Mercy is More--her favorite song!! She runs to the back of the room and begins to dance. When the volunteer approaches to tell her to sit back down, Trisha screams “No!” and runs out of the worship center.

Antecedent: What happened before the behavior?

A new volunteer joined the class and, with the best of intentions, told Trisha not to dance in the back of the worship center. Trisha’s favorite song started.

Behavior: What happened?

Elopement--Running out of the worship center

Consequence: What happened after the behavior?

(This includes how others responded and what the student received or avoided)

Trisha avoided having to be in worship without dancing, and maybe even fulfilled a sensory need by running (usually fulfilled by dancing).

Wait, Brooke, are you saying the behavior was the volunteer’s fault? Absolutely not!

But…could it have been avoided by the volunteer having all of the information about Trisha that’s important? Potentially.

This is why we at Awe & Wonder talk so much about having open communication with parents and getting to know the students in your ministry!

Sometimes, behavior can be triggered by a change in routine or a new person entering the mix. Visual schedules, Change Cards (included in the visual schedule pack), and About Me pages are great resources to help minimize the confusion when these changes occur.

Having parents fill out an About Me page that can be given to volunteers on a Sunday morning is an incredibly helpful tool. Our About Me page can be easily scanned for information when a new student or volunteer arrives for the first time.

Change Cards and Visual Schedules give students a cue for what to expect throughout the morning. It is also a great way for volunteers to help students anticipate an upcoming break or preferred activity.

Adding these simple tools (and using them consistently!) can help students feel comfortable at church, and help volunteers feel prepared.

Next time, we’ll walk through some de-escalation techniques for getting behaviors back to baseline so church can be a safe, joyful place where everyone belongs.